The Bounty Hunter and the Space Dragon Princess
by SanguineWink
Summary: One morning, Samus finds a mysterious girl sleeping in the living room. That alone would have been weird given how the dimension they were in worked. Then she notices that not only does the girl have the features of an alien she hates, but she IS him. Ridley isn't happy about it either. ' Unfortunately for both, Samus has to take responsibility and the solution isn't so simple.
1. He's met with a terrible fate, hasn't he

**I'm pretty sure this fad is dead now and the item obviously was never meant to work this way, but I got this idea on this year's April Fools from the Brawl modding community and I found it amusing. Ridley's design here is based on this image i(****dot)****imgur(dot****)****com/XvleUiT(****dot)****png (replace (****dot)**** with actual dots). There was a whole video for it, but this is enough.**

**A lot of swearing from Ridley and a little bit from Samus, but it's still all T and it's reasonable enough as you won't see things like Mario suddenly bringing out the F-bombs. It's also more explicit in general than Smash Bros normally is. Also, enough headcanons to arm a fleet. Kinda necessary when a lot of characters don't really have defined, well, characters.**

**Not exactly plot-heavy, but not necessarily short. Mostly focused on Samus and Ridley.**

* * *

In this pocket dimension, not much really happened. Sometimes, pieces of new worlds were drawn into it along with some of its inhabitants and sometimes, everything just...shifted without a warning, but that was about it. However, that didn't mean that absolutely nothing happened. After all, there were people living there and some of them caused trouble just as naturally as they breathed.

Skull Kid was one of them. Normally, he wasn't a part of what was called "the main cast". An instance of him was supposed to be summoned every now and then and, once he played his role, dismissed until the die is cast once more. Of course, not every system is flawless. One instance of him just happened to linger for longer than needed, out of everyone's sight, and it was now walking through halls in search of a victim to harass.

At that moment, he was in a section reserved for three beings from the same world although only two of them were actually seen as people. The masked child didn't intentionally choose this part of the pocket dimension. It just happened to be the closest one on his random path.

He wasn't empty-handed either. Interdimensional junk was also drawn into this place. One such item was held in his bag. It came from that one world filled with way too many inanimate objects that possessed beady eyes and this thing wasn't an exception. It looked like a golden crown with a pink cap, but there was more to it than that even before Skull Kid laid his hands on it.

The child couldn't help but snicker at the thought of harassing someone as he usually did. Well, that actually wasn't something he would do without that cursed mask on his face, but he gained notoriety in this state and so he appeared here with it. This wasn't the first time he was let loose in this place either, but there wasn't anyone who could take care of that issue until it resolved itself, which was bound to happen sooner or later as the "supporting cast" simply didn't have enough energy to anchor themselves to this pocket dimension.

Unfortunately for the occupant of the room Skull Kid walked into, this problem wasn't going away before growing into a bigger mess.

At a glance, nobody would actually think that this thing was more than a beast as he looked like an undead purple dragon with a severe eating disorder and he didn't make a good impression of himself afterwards either. He was among the first to be drawn here, but it took several shifts for him to join the "main cast". His codename - or, as far as everyone was concerned, name - was Ridley and he was easily the worst of the worst here. Extremely violent and just plain rude, there was absolutely nobody who wanted to have anything to do with him aside from maybe one or two people who were too good-natured for their own good.

But none of that mattered when he was sleeping on a couch, curled up like a cat and taking up just as much space. He was the perfect target for the masked child.

Tip-toeing through the air, Skull Kid slowly approached the sleeping beast. He could afford to be much less subtle, but there was something about cursing people like this that seemed amusing enough for him to put a little more effort into it. Everything hinged on Ridley not violently lashing out the moment he caught his scent, but if he didn't do so already, then there was no need to worry about it.

Once he comes close enough to reach out and put the crown on the dragon's head, Skull Kid paused. Seconds thoughts? No. He was simply making sure that his victim was asleep. Since he was sleeping, there was nothing stopping the masked child from doing what he wanted. The moment the crown touched Ridley's head, a puff of smoke and sparkles engulf him.

Unfortunately for Skull Kid, he doesn't get to admire his handiwork as he disappeared without a trace before he could see anything. Or maybe it was for the better as his victim certainly wouldn't appreciate it.

* * *

Samus wasn't a morning person. It was hard to wake up in the morning when "morning" was different on many planets she visited and outright non-existent in the reaches of space. She simply woke up when her body had enough sleep.

Her routine after waking up was simple. Physical excercise, a bit of water, brushing teeth, a shower, more excersise and so on. The one thing that she didn't do back home was wearing these pajamas. It resembled the suit she wore under her Power Suit, but it was much more comfortable and it was a gift from one of this dimension's residents. If it weren't for the unusual circumstances, she probably wouldn't wear them, but she could afford that and many more things here. It was a nice change of pace after years of living in anticipation of a surprise attack from whatever horrors the world decides to throw at her. Having people to talk to without worrying about them dying because fate seemingly didn't want her to have company was also nice. She wasn't as cold and aloof as she was back when she first found herself here.

It would be naive of her to expect no drawbacks from it though. While there were bits and pieces of many different worlds here, this pocket dimension was still very limited and nobody could leave on their own. She also had to live with some people she really wasn't fond of. And of course that just had to include the bastard who took everything from her twice. She also took everything from him and killed him twice, but he was still here and it didn't look like he was going anywhere anytime soon. Samus couldn't even try killing him here as death simply didn't in this place. As some sort of a cosmic joke, there was Death and he was an actual Grim Reaper whose scythe she had the opportunity to use several times, but it wasn't actually "the permanent end of life".

Worst of all, they shared rooms. That meant she had to see his ugly every single day. Aside from the whole killing parents thing, he was just an asshole in general. The kind of asshole who would unscrew a salt shaker when asked to pass the salt, then flip the table and start mauling whoever tried to call him out for that. That had already happened once in the canteen shortly after he joined them properly.

Ridley wasn't the only one from her world, but that...thing just wasn't a real person. It could think and it had her DNA, but the only thing it had on its mind was Phazon and how to spread it. It was even less than an animal. Almost everyone here hated Ridley, but Dark Samus just creeped them out. The fact that it had a piece of her never stopped being disturbing, but at least she didn't have to see it that often.

This should have been just another day, but there was something unusual in the living room. There, curled up on a couch like a cat, was a petite girl no older than eighteen. She had never work any and she barely knew anything about them as they were simply too ancient for her, but Samus was sure that sleeping in a purple dress like that was neither comfortable nor good for the clothes in question. It wasn't quite as long as Peach or Zelda's dresses as the skirt just barely reached the girl's knees, which were covered by black thigh-highs. The skirt itself parted in the front to reveal red frills. Her shoes with heels were purple too, much like her waist-length hair with blunt bangs and sidelocks. Part of the dress covering her chest was grey, with a big red bow and a yellow gem attached to her collar. There were also two pairs of yellow gems on her stomach connected with thin silver chains and a weird crown on her head.

That's when Samus realized that, whoever she was, she wasn't human. There were two purple horns growing out of her head, a long purple tail with an arrowhead-shaped tip curled around her body and two large wings with red membranes. Her skin was awfully pale like the skin of a corpse after enough time passes for the lack of blood circulation to take its toll on it. That alone wouldn't have been so bad as the bounty hunter had seen one person who could grow draconic features here, but these weren't just any dragon wings, horns and tail. They reminded her too much of the one who took the lives of her parents.

What was she doing in that room anyway? Samus wasn't told about any guests coming over and there didn't seem to be any newcomers for now. She thought about that creature capable of replicating the appearance and abilities of anyone it sees, but while it could never get faces right, it never combined any features and there wasn't anyone who matched the girl's appearance aside from her wings and such.

She would get the answers soon as the girl started to wake up.

"Grrgh...Would you kindly piss off and let me sleep in peace?" the girl said, briefly opening her yellow eyes just to glare at Samus. Hearing those words said with such a soft voice was a little weird.

"I'm sorry, but you should leave before any of the other two come here. You don't want to meet them."

"And you should eat shit and d...Hold on..."

The incredibly rude girl squinted before shaking her head and sitting up. Samus wasn't sure what she was doing when this stranger continued to stare at her, but given how the conversation began, things were going to get rough from that point.

That ended up being an accurate prediction as the girl tried to take a swipe at her, but ended up falling off the couch when the older woman moved out of the way. What she didn't expect, however, was the girl starting to freak out when she tried to get up. It looked as if she was trying to find some critter crawling all over her, with both confusion and disgust visible on her face. That expression quickly shifted into one of pure anger before the girl lunged at her, but the bounty hunter easily caught her.

"SAAAMUUUUS! I KNOW THIS IS SOMEHOW YOUR FAULT!" she screeched, desperately waving her arms in front of her in an attempt to claw Samus' face off. There was something both funny about it, but only until something occurred to the bounty hunter.

Then it became doubly hilarious and at that point, she couldn't help but burst out laughing, something that rarely happened in her life. The idea would normally be utterly ridiculous, but here, all notions of normalcy were thrown out. Samus herself had already used several times one strange item that gave her ears and a tail of some mammal and that somehow let her hover. So did Ridley at least once. That was only one of the many examples of how ridiculous things could get in this pocket dimension.

But this? This was something else.

"Quit laughing your ass off!"

Hearing him talk now made it even funnier. His voice had none of its usual menace and his even further diminished size made him so much less threatening. At that moment, he was just a child trying to act tough and talk shit.

Samus' laugh is stopped when the sharp tip of Ridley's tail found itself lodged into her stomach, making her release him instantly and double over from pain. Anywhere else, that would have been life-threatening, if not outright lethal, but this attack didn't even leave any visible wounds or staining her clothes with blood. There was pain and that's about it. She probably shouldn't have let her guard down, but she rarely had an opportunity to humiliate the stupid dragon like this. It was the most she could do when killing him wasn't possible.

An awfully wide smile appeared on Ridley's face at the sight of the human wincing from pain. Seeing any form of suffering always made him smile. Unfortunately for him, Samus continued to laugh once she recovered and when he tried to stab her again, she caught his tail and yanked it as hard as she could, making him fall flat on his back. The way he yelped in surprise only made her laugh harder.

"You know, the last time you were this adorable, you had white fur growing all over you. You sure this isn't just a natural part of your life cycle?"

While she mostly intended to mock the purple bastard, Samus did actually find this form somewhat cute and she had a soft spot for cute things. It ended up biting her in the ass once, sure, and it was with him too, but she couldn't help it. Even Metroids, as grotesque as they look, still seemed kinda cute, especially when they weren't busy killing everything in sight. It really was a shame that she couldn't have kept that Metroid hatchling with her without breaking several laws. She did get attached to it.

"You bitch...Hm...Aaaa...Aaaa...Aaaa..."

What was the doing now? She could tell that he was changing the tone of his voice, but she had no idea where he was going with it. It probably wasn't going to be anything good.

"E-Even if you look different...W-We can still be friends...!"

Those words rang a bell...Those words and the voice he used were familiar to her. She remember it all too clearly.

"Mommy! Mommy!"

As soon as those words left his mouth, Samus wrapped her hands around his neck and pushed him to the floor. Seeing him smile at her violent response only made her grip tighter. His neck really should have been broken at that point, but it wasn't and it couldn't be.

"Heheheh...Isn't it a shame? No matter how much we want to kill each other, we can't! Before your kind turned dreams of seizing stars into reality, they thought of an afterlife filled with nothing, but endless bloodshed and endless feasts with no fear of permanent death, didn't they? You lot named one of your ships after it before we massacred everyone on-board...Valhalla, was it? And now look at us...Locked in eternal combat without shedding even a drop of blood... You could say we're now stuck in the shittiest Valhalla imagineable...Hehehe...Ghyahahahaha...!"

The bounty hunter's hands didn't lose their hold on Ridley's neck until they grew too numb to keep it. Completely exhausted, she lied down on her back. He was right though. As much as she wanted him dead, there was nothing she could do here. Samus had to simply accept that he wasn't going anywhere and, no matter what form he took, he was going to be an asshole until the very end. Whoever arranged this whole thing must have had a sick sense of humour.

A minute or two passed with both parties just lying on the floor before something else occurred to Samus. When she found him in this state, he had a crown on his head. The crown had beady eyes much like those strange mushrooms and leaf, both of which altered the state of whoever got their hands on those things. Sure, Ridley was easier to handle like this, but it would make beating him up much less satisfying and the thing he did with his voice was going to get on her nerves. Maybe taking the crown off would fix everything.

But when she sat up and looked at the space dragon in question, she didn't find the crown on his head. Instead, it was lying on the floor a few feet behind him. It must have been knocked off his head when she tried to strangle him.

...which meant that the solution wasn't that simple.

"I can't kill you, sure...but it looks like you're not going to turn back to normal for a while."

Hearing him scream in rage made her feel just a little bit better.


	2. Outside assistance

Ridley was furious. That was usually how he felt when he wasn't busy ripping people into pieces, but he was in an exceptionally bad mood that day.

This body annoyed and disgusted him to no end. He always hated humans for how weak and pathetic they were. A species like that didn't deserve to live, let alone explore the stars. He and his fellow Space Pirates always believed in their natural superiority. They were forged by harsh environments of their planets into efficient killing machines. Their eyes found their prey hiding in the shadows, their claws tore into their victims and their fangs rended flesh into shreds.

He wasn't actually any weaker in this form and he wasn't human either, but mere association with that filth infuriated him. It was also too different for him to be even remotely comfortable. His neck was too short and didn't bend the right way, his head was too short, his jaw easily shifted sideways instead of being locked to only open and close, his eyes weren't facing the right way, his hands had an extra finger, his feet were just plain wrong, his voice annoyed him and he was too small. He hated being small. The last time he had to look up at Samus was shortly after his revival by those clueless humans who treated him like a pet until the time came for him to treat them like biomass to consume in order to develop his body.

The Space Pirate had to fix this as soon as possible. It was obvious to him that magic was involved and since he didn't believe that his world had anything of the sort, he couldn't solve this problem on his own. That meant asking for help, which was by no means an easy task given how everyone treated him here for very good reasons. His options were very limited.

He opens a door and slams it behind himself as he enters a room lit by torches. The room in question was rebranded as some sort of a "villain-only room" by one of the few beings who used it. Not everyone invited actually came there often because they were either busy or not interested. At that moment, there were only two people there aside from Ridley, one of them being the King of Koopas and the other being the Great King of Evil. Both were sitting at a table, apparently in the middle of some discussion that was rudely interrupted. The former was also holding a half-empty cup of tea way too small for his hands.

"Huh? What's a pipsqueak like you doing here? Scram!" Bowser shouted, trying to shoo away the strange girl.

"There is only one beast here who exudes such malignant air...What brings you here, O Cunning God of Death?" - Ganondorf said with a mocking tone of voice.

Ridley didn't like them at all. Bowser was a joke to him. All bark and no bite. He'd call him a little bitch and call it a day if the overgrown turtle simply didn't have the guts to kill his enemies, but he also went karting with them! What was he even trying to accomplish there? The whole thing with that princess was also stupid in his opinion. If he needed to simply take over her kingdom, he could kill her and take it by force, but he was apparently in love with her. That disgusted him even more than the body he was in since this morning.

Ganondorf wasn't as bad, but he wasn't thinking big enough for the Space Pirate. In his conquests, he never tried to reach out for the stars. He was content with some pile of dirt. The thief also didn't bother getting rid of potential enemies until it was too late even after obtaining enough power to do so. There wouldn't be any resistance if he tried out one of the dragon's favourite tactics called "senseless massacre".

In turn, neither kind was fond of Ridley. Bowser was by no means a coward, but that guy creeped him out. There was no sport in his brand of villainy and he was just too violent for him. Overkill didn't even begin to describe him. Certainly not someone he'd ever want to see in his world. Ganondorf, on the other hand, saw in him and other Space Pirates mere beasts pretending to be something more than that. They simply consumed everything in sight and would continue to do so until they run out of things to kill and start attacking each other.

"Just fix this with your magic and I'll leave." Ridley demanded, unfolding his wings in an attempt to look more intimidating. With this body, he wasn't intimidating at all.

"I have no reason to help you, beast. That is final."

"I'm NOT asking! Do it or I'll tear your head off!"

"Hah, empty threats!"

"Why, you-!"

"Hey, hold on, don't leave me outta this! Who is she?" Bowser asked. He had never seen her face around here, but nobody told him anything about new arrivals.

"I'm Ridley, you lardass!"

"What? Gwa-ha-ha! Aren't you a little too small f-"

With a growl, the dragon plunged his tail into Bowser's chest, with the latter almost spitting out tea he drank earlier more out of surprise than pain. Having a tail that could stretch out so far always was convenient, especially when your enemy mostly used long-ranged weapons. The others didn't appreciate it as much as he usually stabbed them with it. Bowser hated it more than others as he was on the receiving end of it more often than others due to his much greater size and general clumsiness. Ridley was glad that he still had it even in this form.

"Say, don't you have magic too? If the old fart won't do it, then you will."

"No way I'm gonna do anything for YOU of all people!"

"Get to work now or I'm gonna tear you a new one!"

"Oh yeah? Bring it, shorty!"

"What...did you just call me?"

"Shorty!"

"THAT'S IT! I'm having turtle soup today!"

"ENOUGH!" Ganondorf shouted, slamming his hand into the table, just barely holding back to avoid breaking it. This was getting ridiculous. Bowser's booming voice and the way Ridley's voice rose in pitch as he got angrier grated on his nerves and he wanted none of it. "Take it outside or I'll put an end to this fight before it begins."

"...Tch. Worthless, the lot of you."

* * *

Meanwhile, Samus was on her way to the person who most likely knew how that crown worked. It wasn't her only option as she planned on asking Princess Zelda for help if this didn't work out, but those two were much less likely to help someone like Ridley. There was a goddess among them, but those who were drawn into this dimension to become a part of the "main cast" weren't actually at their full power. It wasn't very noticeable with people like Mario and numerous Pokemon, but the goddess in particular was greatly weakened and thus unlikely to be able to help.

Samus lightly knocked on a pink door.

"Come in!"

With permission to enter granted, she entered the room. The room in question had a pink carpet, blue wallpaper with clouds, yellow pillars, white and orange checkerboard tiles and furniture that probably costed a fortune. Princess Peach and Princess Zelda were sitting on a couch, sipping tea.

"Oh, good morning, Samus." Peach said.

"Good morning...You look awfully tired. Did you not get enough sleep this night?" Zelda asked. It was still weird seeing her so young after having spent so much time with her when she appeared more mature.

"Mornin'...No, I'm just...There's a little problem I have and I need to take care of it as soon as possible."

"What is it?"

The bounty hunter raised a bag with the crown inside and carefully revealed its contents, making sure not to touch the item to make sure she won't get affected if that's how it worked. Peach immediately recognized it, but she didn't understand what the problem was. Zelda, on the other hand, felt uneasy in its presence.

"This morning, I found this weird thing and I wanted to know what it is. I thought you might know about it since it looks like something from your world."

"Hm...Oh, it's just something Toadette uses. It just turns her into...me? It's strange, but there's nothing to worry about."

"Toadette? Did anyone else use it?"

"No, it works only on her. Please, sit down. Help yourself to some tea."

There were several more cups on the table, probably put there in case someone decides to pay a visit to them. Peach offered tea to pretty much everyone, but it was good. Few didn't accept it, but most of them simply couldn't have hot drinks or any drinks in general. Ridley was the only one who outright rejected it. Ridley - being the utter ass he was - just had to smash the cup against the ground after pretending to accept it. Needless to say, that didn't make a good first impression of him for the princess.

"Thanks...Are you sure it doesn't work on anyone?"

"Absolutely...Did something happen?"

"Well, uh, let's just ASSUME that it did work. How would that person turn back?"

"You simply take it off."

"And if that doesn't work?"

"...Samus, I'm starting to get worried. Something did happen, didn't it? If there is a problem, we can help you. Just tell us what it is. Everything will be just peachy!"

The bounty hunter really didn't want to tell anyone what the problem was. Sure, they wouldn't hesitate to help her, but Ridley really went out of his way to become the least popular person of the "main cast". But if they didn't know what was going on, then they wouldn't be able to do anything.

"Alright, I'll tell you...You know Ridley, right? Well, I have no idea how that happened, but that crown somehow ended up on his head and he...sort of...turned into a little girl?"

The silence that followed was as awkward as it could get. That was probably one of the weirdest things Samus had ever said out loud and she's been through a lot.

"...Excuse me?"

"It's exactly what it sounds like. I can show it to you, but I'd rather get him back to normal first."

"But why? Why would you help someone who...you know. He's a terrible monster and you know that better than anyone else." Zelda finally spoke up. That was exactly what Samus expected.

"I'm not doing it for that bastard. It's just that when I want to punch him in his stupid mug, I want to punch his stupid mug, not...what he has right now. He looks like a child too. It feels all sorts of wrong to me."

"I...I guess that makes sense...Something's not right with that crown though."

"Oh, what is it? It doesn't look any different from the one Toadette uses."

"I don't know what it is and it's growing fainter, but it's...ancient...and evil...It must have been cursed before."

"Like Ganondorf? Did he ever do anything like this? I know that he and Ridley don't like each other, but I haven't seen him do anything like this."

"No, it's not him. It's something completely different. I think I felt something like this before...during one of our fights..."

"Can you do anything about it?"

"I don't think so. You'll have to find the culprit and make them undo it."

"Thanks anyway, you two. I'll go find that idiot, then."

"We're always happy to help you! Come back in the evening if you have the time. I wanted to bake a cake today."

"I'll keep that in mind."

That cleared some things up, but Samus still had no solution to this problem. She would have a hard time finding whoever did this. She'd have to look for the culprit among the "supporting cast", which was basically impossible given how vast it was. Worse still, those guys rarely appeared and when they did, it was when someone from the "main cast" was in the middle of a fight. Those didn't occur every day and the battlefields they fought on were almost completely isolated from others. This meant that in order to find whoever was responsible for it, Ridley and someone like Zelda had to be there as well. It was almost impossible with those odds.

She couldn't help but groan.


	3. The Master

Samus really didn't want to do this, but she had no choice.

There was only one being here who was sure to have the power to undo everything. The same being created this place and gather everyone here. It took many forms, from disembodied hands to a horrifying mass of darkness in the shape of a beast, but it didn't really have a name. They just called it the Master. There was no doubt that it could help them.

The problem was that the Master was...eccentric. The only reason why they were here in the first place was because it "wanted to see Mario beat the stuffing out of Link while Donkey Kong prepares to launch Pikachu into the orbit" or something along those lines. It even offered them a chance to fight it several times and let itself be defeated, but nothing really happened after that. It was just messing with them.

It wasn't hard to find the Master. You just had to enter one of the rooms and it would respond to any questions. The whole thing was a little too theatrical for her, but it was better than having to search for him when this place was so big and confusing. It was composed of different locations simply stitched together in a haphazard way, with scenery just suddenly changing before you even know it. That made navigation nigh impossible without prior knowledge.

That did mean that she had to go there with Ridley. His mood got only worse since they parted ways in the morning, but he hasn't really said much yet, which always was a good thing.

While he was already barely five feet tall, he also keep that hunched over posture out of habit, which made him look even smaller. He wasn't used to wearing heels either, which was perfectly understandable given how it took real humans some time to get accustomed to those. She didn't miss how he tried to tear off his collar and bow several times either, but that obviously didn't work as clothes somehow couldn't be damaged in this place at all. This place was awfully inconsistent with those rules as certain objects could be broken, but others wouldn't even have a scratch from the strongest blows on them.

Fortunately, it didn't take long to reach that room as it was located in the middle of their living quarters. It felt completely different from others as it wasn't taken from other worlds. It's been there since they had first arrived and it completely changed its appearance with every shift although those changes were mostly cosmetic. It seemed like every shift made it flashier and flashier. The room itself looked like it was much bigger than everything else as it lead into a void where celestial bodies danced in a mesmerizing way, with no visible walls, ceiling or even a floor aside from one big platform with a set of smaller floating floating platforms forming a stairway leading to it.

"Hey, asshole, get down here! I need you to fix this shit!" Ridley said, impatient and rude as ever.

"Who dares to enter my domain?"

The main platforms starts shaking as the clouds above part to make way for a beam of blue light. The Master itself wasn't actually visible, but his loud voice was more than enough. Things didn't seem too bad just yet. Tet.

"Punishment for tres- Wait, who's this? I don't remember bringing her here. Did you make her when I wasn't looking? I thought I told you not t-"

"It's Ridley and we're here to ask you to turn him back."

The booming laugh that follows makes Ridley grind his teeth in anger. Even the shaft of blue light starts shifting as if somebody's desperately trying to hold the light source above in place, but they are laughing too hard to do so. That was probably the case. Either way, it took the Master some time to calm down.

"Oh, I'm sorry. It's just...Cunning God of Death...in a princess dress...It's the contrast that got me...But who did this?"

"It's her."

"I've told you that I had nothing to do with it!"

"You were the only one there when I woke up like this and you were the only one there who would care enough to put me through this! You've been enjoying this way too much ever since! Are you saying that's not true at all?"

"I was there, but I di-"

"Enough bickering! Man, you just never stop fighting! You're supposed to do that when I tell you to, not every time you have a meal!"

"Well, I'm sorry, it's not like this bastard took both of my families away from me or anything!"

"Only two families! You just gotta let it go sometimes."

"Don't act like you're the only one whose family I took. If you ever get another family, I'll take that one too."

"How about f-"

"Anyway, I made my decision. Samus, whatever you did to her, undo it now."

"What?! I've told you it wa-"

"Sorry, can't hear you over the sound of me not caring! I don't have all day."

"That's EXACTLY why we came here! YOU are supposed to fix this!"

"Look, Sammy, I-"

"Don't call me that."

"Okay, Sammy. Here's a thing: I don't have the time to deal with your problems. I've got all this cosmic business to take care of and you're here just to make my day.'

"Bullshit! You just want to watch us all suffer, don't you?!"

"I have nooooo idea what you're talking about. Oh, by the way, Riddles, my man! You're fun to watch in a fight and all, but ever since I promoted you, you've been causing nothing but trouble and ruining everyone's day. I really should just kick you out."

"Yes, do that! Please, just get him away from me!"

"I could do that...buuuuuuut I think I've got a better solution. Since somebody here clearly doesn't want to own up to their mistake...I'll have you look after my awesome space death dragon until she goes back to being an awesome space death dragon."

"WHAT?!"

"I'm NOT doing that!"

"Well, if you don't, I'll get rid of you both for causing trouble and disobeying me."

"I didn't even do ANYTHING! How the hell is ANYONE supposed to look after this bastard?"

"Just look at that cute lil' face! A little love and everything will be fine! That's what a intergalactic mass murderer needs, right? You're old enough to have children and you don't have a family anyway. Just think of her as your annoying daughter with extremely bad murderous habits. I mean she's already about as cruel as your average child, right? Just make sure she doesn't cause more trouble than she already has. It's not like I can ask Dark Samus to do that. I'm not keeping that thing here for amazing people skills, you know?"

"The hell did you just say? I swear I'm gonna kill you! Just get down here and I'll g-"

"Now, please, kindly leave my humble abode and have a nice day!"

Almost immediately afterwards, both were blown out of the room by an invisible force. By the time they recovered, the door has already been locked and neither could open it.

And that's exactly why Samus didn't want to go there. It was obvious that he didn't actually care about anything but entertaining himself and that's exactly what they gave him. They were actually better off not visiting him. Now they were under the threat of...Well, they didn't actually know what happened to those who were kicked out. The few who did had no recollection of their departure.

It took Ridley some time to stop trying to kick the door and even longer to stop trying to burn it down. THIS is what she had to look after. This bundle of anger and general dickery that had already managed to piss almost everyone off and the bastard who took everything from her and many others from her world.

This task was outright impossible. Almost everyone here disgusted Ridley for different reasons and he was so damn petty. Simply bumping into him or even getting too close was enough to get stabbed or burned if you weren't prepared for it. When he didn't resort to physical violence, he lashed out verbally and he didn't pull any punches if he knew something personal. How exactly he found out about all those things was hard to tell. He did have good hearing, but he couldn't have learned about everything by simply eavesdropping. Whatever was the case, it made him even less pleasant and Samus had to somehow keep him at bay.

The Master really was an asshole.

"Well, mother, take good care of me," Ridley said with a expression that would have been described as sweet...if it didn't belong to Ridley and, therefore, was obviously meant to mock her. It didn't stay on his face for long either as it was quickly replaced by a scowl he's been wearing the whole day.

It was still cute enough to make the bounty hunter's lips twitch. She hated that.

* * *

**You could say that now things really start, but these 3 chapers can't really be called the prologue.**


	4. Parfait

Both needed a break. That and food. They had to have breakfast. Ridley was certainly more hungry than Samus and he let her know that by growling the whole trip to the canteen.

The canteen wasn't actually a room built for that purpose. It was just another location that spawned in this dimension. But then a cute little puff-ball named Kirby decided that he wanted food and it would be nice if other could have it too. She wasn't sure how, but the little guy could replicate abilities of others by swallowing them and if he needed to discard those abilities, he could transfer them into stars and throw them away. One such ability let him...cook. It was silly on paper, but very useful here and his dishes were great. Then, with assistance from Donkey Kong, they had arranged this canteen and it grew as more people joined them. More worlds also meant that more food was drawn in, which was very much welcomed as it gave them much needed variety. Having to feed more people wasn't much of a problem. It was a wonderful idea and it was executed quite well.

There was one annoying thing about it. Most of them could starve, but they could neither die from it nor even lose weight. What form they took was the form they kept until the next shift. Food was still necessary as they did grow weaker if they didn't eat, which was annoying.

Fortunately, since they had come so late, there wasn't any line for food and the canteen wasn't full at that time. Those who weren't too busy eating quickly noticed the person following Samus and, while two of them already knew what was going on, the others didn't know what to make of the girl. Ridley himself wasted no time in approaching Kirby to demand food.

"Gimme meat and make it quick. I'll have you for breakfast if you don't."

In spite of receiving a threat, Kirby simply nodded and handed the Space Pirate what he thought he wanted. But the latter only grew angrier when he saw his plate.

"Are you shitting me?! This is barely an appetizer! More!"

Samus rubbed the bridge of her nose. Everything was starting off so well, wasn't it? At least he didn't get violent...yet.

Satisfied with his portion, Ridley approached a vacant table away from others, sitting sideways on a chair so that his tail wouldn't get in the way. Of course, manners wasn't something he was concerned with and so he didn't even bother using any utensils. How hot his dish was didn't concern him either. He was more than used to heat and that trait carried over to this body.

"I...I think I'll just have the usual."

But before Kirby could even process that request, the bounty hunter heard some racket that turned out to be coming from Ridley, who was apparently choking on food. She quickly made her way to the winged idiot and grabbed him from behind, applying pressure to his abdomen to squeeze whatever got stuck out of him. He was obviously in no danger and she was applying way too much pressure, but she didn't care that much about how he felt. It did work though.

What got caught in the dragon's throat ended up being a rather big chunk of meat. Samus couldn't help but groan at this point.

"You know, you're supposed to chew before you swallow."

"And how the hell am I supposed to do THAT?"

As Samus had dealt with far more disgusting things before, she had no problems with shoving that piece of meat back into Ridley's mouth before closing it and grabbing his jaw. Helping some asshole chew food wasn't something she thought she would ever do, but here she was. It's a good thing that she couldn't damage anything no matter how roughly she moved his jaw. Unfortunately, she had to stop when the dragon tried to claw her face off.

"Now start doing that yourself."

Honestly, she wasn't sure how that idiot didn't run into that problem before. He was pretty big, sure, but his neck was almost as thin as his fingers. He ate a lot too, which was surprising to her when she saw him eat for the first time as he was way too thin to have eaten anything at all. It probably

By the time the bounty hunter sat down at a table with Zelda, she was dead tired and it was apparent on her face. This really was going to be a long day.

"So...that's...that's Ridley?"

"That's him, alright."

"I've got to say...That's not what I expected. I'm not sure what exactly I expected to begin with..."

"Just to make it clear, he's still the same on the inside."

"But on the outside, he's...W-Well, I can see why you wouldn't want to hurt him like this."

"Yeah, I probably wouldn't bother with any of this if he didn't look like a child."

"I can say for sure that he doesn't match Peach's description of the crown's effects. I guess he looks like a princess, but that's about it."

"And now I have to babysit him or else we're both goners...I really shouldn't have tried asking the Master for help."

"That's just terrible!"

"Tell me about it..."

"Do you th-"

"Hey, Kirby, you disembodied asscheek! Get over here!"

"Oh for the love of..."

Having given up on the idea of having her breakfast in peace, Samus looked over where Ridley was and saw Kirby slowly approaching him. The former tore off a piece of meat and held it in front of the pink ball. To the bounty hunter's surprise, his expression wasn't that of anger like it usually was. He seemed more confused than upset.

"What did you put in my food? It...tastes different."

The little cook didn't know what the rude girl was talking about and tried to shrug as much as his anatomy let him. Ridley quickly ate the piece of meat in his hand and went into deep thought, but he didn't dismiss Kirby yet. Normally, he would have at least tried punted the little guy like a ball, but he didn't and that made the bounty hunter curious.

"Can you bring something...sweet? Don't care what it is, just hurry up and give me some!"

Now that was even more surprising. He never cared about anything sweet as far as she knew. He never cared about taste in general. Either what he ate was fine or it wasn't and he let everyone know about it. This was completely new to her.

"I'm sorry, but there's something I need to know. I'll be back."

The Space Pirate didn't say anything when his arch enemy sat down next to him or even glare at her. Now that she was this close to him, she could see that he was a little excited about something. She was getting excited too, but the bounty hunter knew him too well and so she didn't let her guard down yet. For all she knew, he was going to try shoving it down her throat for no reason other than Ridley being Ridley. She just had to wait and see.

When Kirby came back with a fruit parfait, the dragon snatched it from the plate and he would have tried swallowing it whole if it weren't for Samus hitting his head with a spoon meant for the dessert.

"Use a spoon."

Ridley glared at her, but took the spoon anyway. He clearly didn't know how to hold it, but all he cared about was having a taste of this parfait.

The way his face just lit up made Samus momentarily regret not having a camera at that time. It was an expression of surprise and even genuine joy, but it was nothing like the glee he had on his face when his claws tore his victims into shreds or anything she had ever seen from him. However, she still didn't understand what caused it. He did eat sweets before and he was completely indifferent to them.

"So this is what sweetness tastes like..."

"Huh? You didn't know?"

"Of course I didn't, dumbass! I'm a carnivore and carnivores can't taste anything sweet! Hell, we can barely taste anything! All we need to know is whether something's okay to eat or not...but this...this is..."

That would have been sad if the person in question didn't deserve far worse, but it cleared some things up. Besides, there was something about watching him continue eating that parfait that made her feel...It wasn't a bad feeling, but it's not something she wanted to feel about Ridley of all people. She was conflicted about it, to say the least.

"Hey, marshmallow, drag your ass back here! I want more!"

"You know, people would be more willing to listen to you if you weren't actively going out of your way to be an asshole to them. Can't you just say 'please' when asking for something like anyone else?"

"You know, I couldn't give two shits about anyone here."

"You know, I could beat you unconscious with this table."

"You know, I could rip your heart out first."

"You know, I could make sure that you don't get anything sweet anymore."

"...You win this round, Hunter. Hey, marshmallow, PLEASE, drag your ass back here!"

Well, that was a step in the right direction. Of course, Samus wasn't stupid enough to think that it was possible for him to stop being the worst person in this whole dimension, but at least now she knew one way to motivate him. It would stop working as soon as everything went back to normal and there was obviously a limit to how much she could exploit it, but it was something.

Another thing she learned as she watched the Space Pirate eat was that, in spite of his much smaller size, he still ate a lot. She quickly lost track of how many parfaits he ate and he somehow still had enough room to eat that pile of meat he ordered earlier.

* * *

**The thing with taste isn't exactly made up. It's unlikely that it applies to an alien dragon with a bizarre anatomy, but we're operating on enough headcanons as it is.**


	5. Bath time

The fact that Ridley was even capable of thought greatly surprised others when he finally joined them.

It wasn't just that he looked like a beast. The way he fought was animalistic and he made no attempt to give his fighting style any finesse. Not many Space Pirates in general put much thought into it, preferring to simply tear their victims into pieces with their fangs and claws. It worked out well enough for them and very few Galactic Federation soldiers could handle their onslaught.

But what was more surprising was the dragon's engineering skills. He was a military commander above all else and the Science Team was probably better suited for it...when they weren't busy wasting resources on stupid ideas, but he was skilled nonetheless. Of course, most of his work was focused on weapon development. It simply wouldn't be Ridley if he didn't try to make mass murder easier to carry out.

Perhaps one of his greatest creations was a robotic replica of himself. A monument to his power, it was meant to be a massive, invincible killing machine capable of flight and long-ranged combat, much like Ridley was...Well, it would be one of the greatest if he wasn't almost killed before he could finish development. He didn't even get to install the flying and walking units. Worse still, the machine itself was destroyed. He would have tried building it again if several things didn't keep him busy.

But here, he had more than enough time to get back to work.

The room he used as his workshop normally had enough space even with his large size in mind, but now it seemed giant. What once fit him perfectly was now too big or too high, forcing him to drag all sorts of junk towards shelves just so he could use them as platforms to take whatever was out of his reach. He did have fully functional wings, but those were almost useless in this room. He could easily end up knocking everything over by simply unfolding his wings. Using his tail didn't work well either as the bladed tip wasn't flexible enough for him to wrap it around something that was lying flat on the shelf and trying to drag it towards him ended poorly. His head still hurt after that attempt.

His tools now being too big for his delicate hands was certainly the worst part. Some of them were even big enough to require using both hands, which would be bad on its own, but it also meant that some processes that required using both hands to begin with were now almost impossible. His opinion of this human-like body was getting worse with every hour.

There were some advantages of being smaller though. At that moment, he was disassembling one of the furry mercenary's devices he had traded for certain resources. The device in question could reflect physical and energy projectiles, but its energy consumption was surprisingly low. However, it was very small and the parts it was composed of were even smaller. Normally, even though his eyesight was remarkable, he would have had a hard time working with it given how large he was in comparison, but now that his hands were much smaller, the task didn't take much effort.

Of course, that was still far too situational for him to change his mind. It didn't help that he was too stubborn to do so anyway.

That aside, his little project was progressing quite well in spite of the lack of resources and the pocket dimension's quirks. While he prefered to use his own teeth and claws. he never denied how useful weapons were. Space Pirates despised those who were worthless without them rather than advanced technology itself. Chozo in particular seemed even more pathetic to Ridley than others as they once were great warriors whose might he would have greatly admired...if they didn't decide to become pacifists. By the time he raided Zebes, they were mere husks of themselves. Simply thinking about it made the dragon grit his teeth.

The idea was born shortly after his promotion. Technology of his world was impressive on its own, but what he had seen from other worlds was just as impressive, if not more so. Then there was magic. Sure, there was technology in his world that seemed like magic, but it was simply that advanced. What he had seen here was completely different. He had seen several humans conjure fire out of thin air and he himself had the opportunity to use magical items when fighting others. Unfortunately, the dragon barely understood how it worked. Most of the magical items he managed to gather were impossible to properly utilize at that moment.

But once he figured everything out, his Power Suit would greatly surpass Samus' own and ultimately bring an end to her once they were back home. He was sure of it.

What Ridley wasn't sure of was when they would be brough back or if it would even happen. The Master was just as likely to return everyone to their respective worlds as he was to simply erase them from existence or throw them into some metaphysical equivalent of a trashcan. Even if the former happened, nothing guaranteed that Ridley would be brought back to normal, either before or after leaving this place.

The Space Pirates certainly wouldn't take that well. He was confident in his ability to re-establish his dominance through brute force, but the idea of being stuck like this did not appeal to him. He wasn't even sure if replacing his body with a mechanical one or cloning himself would work as magic caused this mess. He had to take care of this issue while he still could.

Of course, nothing guaranteed that the Space Pirates still existed either. Samus did a number on them, much to his frustration. Dark Samus's actions also greatly thinned their numbers. For all he knew, they were already gone by the time he was cloned by those human idiots.

Getting distracted wouldn't do him any good.

* * *

There really wasn't all that much for Samus to do in her free time here at this time of the day. Exploring every piece of other worlds didn't took her all that long and recreational activities with others usually took place later in the day.

What she could do was reading books. Back home, she was too concerned about potential threats to concentrate on reading something that wasn't vital to her survival anyway. But here, she could simply sit on a couch and read all day. Having a glass of juice helped too. Ridley wasn't anywhere in sight either, which made it easier to relax.

Unfortunately, that alone time ended as soon as she heard someone kick open a door. That someone was the stupid dragon she never wanted to see, but at the very least, he didn't seem to be interested in ruining her day and so she resumed reading, taking a sip of juice.

Which then immediately left her mouth as soon as she registered the state Ridley was in. Aside from being naked, he was also rather dirty. She wasn't sure if it was oil or something else, but that didn't really matter.

"You're supposed to swallow that, not spit it out."

"And you're not supposed to walk around buck-naked!"

"Now that's a problem? Why don't you just drown yourself?"

"It's- Yes, it is! Clean yourself up and put something on!"

"I'm not wearing that shit again! Do you have any idea how uncomfortable it feels? And I can't groom myself with a neck this short!"

"Do it or I'll do it myself. I don't want you making a mess here just because you couldn't be assed to take a bath!"

"Try me."

Samus silently closed her book and put it on the couch as she stood up. Without hesitation, the bounty hunter walked up to the annoying dragon and grabbed him by his hair. He was still very strong, especially for someone so small, but she was by no means weak either and so his attempts to break away were unsuccessful. Once they reached the bathroom, Samus roughly threw him into the tub, slamming his head into it when he tried to stand up.

"You bitch! I'll tear you g-"

A shower head to his cranium quickly shut him up, with a second strike stopping his attempts to escape. She really didn't want to waste her time on this bastard, but it would take much less effort than cleaning up after him.

As it was the first time she ever had to wash someone, it didn't go very well...not that she really cared. All she needed to do was getting rid of the smears on Ridley's skin and get whatever that stuff was out of his hair. At least he didn't struggle anymore, whether it was out of resignation or concussion.

The Space Pirate in question wasn't as thin as she expected him to be. Given how he normally looked like a skeleton wrapped in dry skin, she thought he was still a twig under that dress, but that wasn't the case. He was still thin compared to her and lacked any muscle definition, but it was an improvement nonetheless. The way his wings and tail connected to his body was just a little disturbing though. They didn't quite blend in and the way scales turned into deathly pale skin made it look like some nasty skin disease. At least his hair hid where his horns grew out of.

Once she was done washing him and the bathtub was refilled again, Samus prepared to leave the bathroom, but then she remembered the second problem.

"Where did you put your clothes?"

"Hell if I know. I just threw them away as soon as I took them off."

She was tempted to just leave him be, but having him walk around naked didn't seem like a good idea to her, especially when there were children around. Others wouldn't appreciate it either...well, most of them. Either way, that wasn't an option and it was going to take some time to take care of this issue.

At least hitting that idiot with the shower head one more time made her feel a little better.


End file.
